i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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