Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
