OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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