If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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