i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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