I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
