at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
