Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize