I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
