Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
