i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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