I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
