and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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