Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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