Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize