Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your cock deserves a montage
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
