how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
