Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
