just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize