he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
