I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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