What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
