i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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