You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
