My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
