You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
