there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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