so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
