shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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