I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
