Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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