i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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