o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
