let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
