Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
