is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
