Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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