My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
