I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You pole danced in your parka.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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