The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
