feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
