But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
