my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
