# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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