Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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