Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
