Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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