look no pants
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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