I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i think my cat just said my name.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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