It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no you cant smoke seaweed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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