i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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