Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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