i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
