i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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