She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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