Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize