yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
