I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
