Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
