On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
