hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
