just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize