So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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