So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
