Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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