I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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