hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
