when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
