Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
