he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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