You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
