absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
