guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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