I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
