Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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