i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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