she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
