my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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