My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
