She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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