I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize