tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
