I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
