she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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