from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
