so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
