We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
