id be glad to
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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