brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
